Confessions

I don't know how Moms do it here I am certainly having a hard time adjusting. Try functioning with as little as 2 hours of sleep a day and tell me how great you feel and I will shoot you.

Today I am a walking zombie, Caleb had to squeeze-in beside me last night and his hands just would not stand still. He has this habit of touching my back, arms and any other parts of my body. I tired moving him back to his bed but he keeps on coming right back. It was driving me crazy. To top it off, Zaia woke up early and I feel really feel crappy.

We had to go to make up school this morning but Caleb was being impossible, he would not hold my hand and kept on walking away from me. It was dangerous because we were on a busy street. When I got home, I attempted to sleep but Zaia woke up 30 minutes after. My only consolation was Caleb slept while watching "How to drain your dragon" movie.  This just isn't one of my good days.

I have a mountainful of laundry to fold, dinner to cook (halfway ready), and boxes to pack. It has become a tad bit overwhelming for me. Our house is a mess with things here and there, I have to sort it out to to-pack, to-garage-sale, to-donate and to-throwaway. On top of that I feel guilty that I have been a negligent Mom to Caleb, I have used the TV as a babysitter, I was planning to teach him alphabets, read books and do a little bit of homeschooling but as the day ends I do nothing.  SO much more now that I have to pack our things for an upcoming move. There are times when I want to bang my head you know, why ever did I get into this, so many times I feel like I am in a middle of a meltdown. The only thought that makes me somehow survive is that pretty soon they will not be dependent on me and I will miss these moments.

I wish the husband would be more proactive, go earlier than usual and give me some time off. As of now I don't have the luxury, I can maybe have 5-10 minutes to take a bath, wash dishes or surf the net. It doesn't help that Zaia wants nothing to do with him, cries non-stop and only want me. HE usually goes home at around 8 and the thing that gets me is that I have to remind him to go home early while I am home going crazy. Aaahhh.... I hope it will change once he switches jobs and the culture there is muc more family friendly. Wonder why I am always active in FB it takes the craziness out of things and well, when the baby wants to be carried all the time the only thing I can do is sit in front of the pc.

Okay I am done with my ranting, I have to clean the fish i.e. murder the fish because truth be told I have no idea what I'm doing.